I have been trying to think of a way to describe what it’s like living in myhead at the moment. I had a moment last Friday that I think sums it up nicely.
I had typed up some minutes from our inaugural meeting of the op shop staffand just needed to make some amendments and then email them out. Simple enoughtask, right?
I contacted Paula who took the minutes to see when we could get together andshe let me know that she would be at the store on Friday from 2pm onwards. Iagreed to pop down and go through them with her then.
Friday arrived and I popped down to the store just after 10am only to findthat Paula would not be arriving until 2pm and so I left again but promised tobe back just after 2pm. On the way home I was kicking myself, she had beenreally clear in her text but all that had stayed in my brain was that she wouldbe at the op shop on Friday. It decided that somehow the detail of after 2pmwas not worth holding onto.
So back I go just after 2pm to finish off these minutes with Paula. I washoping to use the shops laptop to make the changes and I thought it would beeasier to send them out from the op shop email account to the staff. Inpreparation for this I had put the draft minutes onto a USB stick so I couldeasily access them.
I arrived and there were four staff in the store and we all stood abouthaving a chat. I rummaged in my bag and found the USB stick and I had it in myhand. Then I got distracted by something and went to get a paper and pen to jotsomething down and with that the USB stick that had been in my hand was nowpoof – gone!
I took everything out of my bag, nothing. Then we all looked around the areaI had been standing and of course I felt like such a fool. I eventually foundthat I had popped the USB stick into a pocket and so we were back on trackagain.
I popped the USB stick into the laptop only to find that I had not copiedthe minutes onto it as I thought I had done. Again, I just sat there feeling sofoolish while everyone was being so incredibly kind and telling me that theytoo forget things all the time. I really do work with some of the nicest humanson the planet.
Eventually all I could do was go through the changes with Paula and promiseto go home, edit them and then send them out. I managed to do just that and therelief that came with pushing the send button was immense.
I have been an EA, PA or Board Secretary for my entire working career. Myworld was made up of details and I used to be so good at thinking of them allin advance and then dealing with them before they even registered on anyoneradars.
My expectations of myself need to move, this was a task that old Rachelcould have done in her sleep but I am simply not that person anymore and thatis OK. I find myself being really kind to this new Rachel because she is easilydistracted and she can no longer multi task or juggle lots of things at thesame time.
My life has become really simple – it’s about enjoying every day with Gregand Gabe, seeing my family as much as I can, tending my garden, working in anop shop and ultimately not expecting too much of myself.
In the midst of all of this I need to tell you that I am doing OK, there issomething quite wonderful about letting go.