I adore science fiction - it started with Star Wars and then later with theoriginal Star Trek which I used to watch on Saturday mornings in my first flat.When I was in the midst of depression Star Trek Voyager helped me find a placeof peace even if it was just for forty minutes. I loved how orderly thingswere, space looked like a great place to be. No matter what happened all thingswere set right at the end of the show.
What I love about God is that he is the ultimate sci fi character - He isnot from earth which makes him an alien. I’m not being disrespectful; it’s justhow I personally see it.
My absolute favourite kind of sci fi is anything with time travel. I amalways taken with the idea of going back in time and fixing things or goingahead in time to learn what comes next and if need be, fix it.
A favourite sci fi movie of mine is Arrival because it deals with time,memory and the way we as humans are trapped by rules around both. When it comesdown it who we are at our core is attached to our memories. We remember specialmoments in life, we also remember tragedies with perfect clarity.
I’ve begun to forget details already and I know that as my brain shrinks, Iwill forget more and more. I want to believe that who I am will stay in someway but I have no guarantees about that. Greg, my family and friends will needto hold onto my memories for me and that gives me comfort, they are in safehands.
This week’s memory loss included how to spell Featherston - I’m OK with thatbecause it’s not really that important. However, I don’t want to forget my mumsface, Gabe’s name and any of my shared memories with Greg.
Dementia literally shrinks the brain; it’s how the PET scan was able todiagnose me. It starts with your most recent short-term memories and spreadsfrom there. This is why dementia patients retreat back in time to theirchildhood, as they are our longest memories and so they are the last to beerased.
I like to believe that even when I do forget the details of my life, I willstill know somewhere deep inside me that Greg is my person. He is the oneperson on the planet who adores me no matter what (family does not count, theyare contractually obligated to love you). I put on 20kg due to menopause, Ihave now taken that weight off over the past year. I’d love to tell you that it’snot related to dementia but it is.
We were with some friends and one of them said “you look so much better withthe weight off” and Greg piped up and said that I have always been beautifulregardless of my size. That’s one example of why he is my person and alwayswill be. He treasures my heart and soul above what I look like externally.
Regardless of what is to come I know that the best decision I ever made wasto choose the man who is lying next to me in bed while I type away.
I don’t want to forget that.