I catch up with Rev Pete about once a fortnight and we can chatter away an hour in what seems like minutes. His brain and mine just work in a similar way and so we love a good theological debate. The truth is though that we agree and align on so many things that the “debating” part is kind of moot.
We all believe and trust in different entities, people and practices and so it’s rare to find someone else who thinks along the same lines as you. For whatever reason Pete is my local Vicar and I can’t think of a better human to walk this particular journey with.
His words and just his zest for all things Jesus seeps into my soul and I always leave him feeling well fed. I’ve done large parts of my life journey alone and for the most part that was my choice. I had the mistaken belief that I think many of us have. I believed that if I could “do it all” on my own then that meant something.
Many years later I can report back with my findings - I should have asked for more help! We love to be asked to help out another human being, don’t we? It’s such a treat to be able to make someone’s else’s day with some random act of kindness, right? I always feel that it’s an opportunity for me to pay back some of the grace shown to me over the years.
I worked with a lady from Christchurch whose house ended up being bulldozed following the first round of Christchurch earthquakes. A baker from elsewhere in the South Island took it upon himself to make and then distribute free fresh bread to as many affected homes as he could access. He would drive to a different suburb each weekend, knock on doors and hand over his wares.
He arrived on my friend’s doorstep and offered her two loaves of bread which she promptly refused. He stayed on her doorstep however and they got to discussing the quake. She explained that the family had been very lucky physically but that the house itself was due for demolition. They were busy trying to pack everything up at a time when hundreds of other households were trying to do the same thing. In short, she was doing it tough
The man held out the bread again and said - “I know you think it’s for people who are more in need than you. However, it was baked specially for you and your loved ones. It would make my day if you would accept this tiny bit of help because it comes from my family to yours”.
She could hardly refuse the bread after that could she? I’m sure you see my point - we always think there is someone else whose needs are greater than our own.
What I have learned is that at some point in our lives we all take a turn at being the neediest person in the room. It’s ok to be that person for a season and it’s also ok to ask for help when you are in that place. You are not being a nuisance; you are simply asking for what you require in that given moment. You can pay it back further along your own path and those opportunities always turn up.
Going forward I’m going to need help with pretty much everything. I already know I will find that really uncomfortable but I just have to face up to the fact that I CANNOT DO IT ALL.
For a classic type A personality that will not come easy. On the other hand, I also know that I am surrounded by people who want to be asked. I need to show them respect by doing exactly that - asking. I need to get people to lift things for me, I need to borrow other people’s brains and allow them drive me places and I need to tell Greg when I am feeling scared and overwhelmed.
In case you’re wondering the only real concern I have going forward is that of fearing I will do and say completely inappropriate things. Those with dementia often have zero filter so who knows what could come out of my mouth!
I have in the distant past blacked out from overindulging on alcohol. I worry it might be like permanently waking up and not knowing what you did the night before. I will have to rely on others to tell me what I did or what I said and what if they are lying to make me feel better?
I’ve given that one over to God to hold in His large hands. I can’t worry or control what I might say or do in the future. I would prefer not to say or do anything inappropriate but … I cannot guarantee that.
My role in this is that of passenger - I get to watch this all unfold around me while being both attached and not attached to the process at the same time. I’ve already had two instances where I have zero recollection of completing a task only to be informed that I did it over a week ago.
This will become more common going forward and I just have to trust in Gods character. He knows I don’t want to wander off, to talk utter gibberish or to be confused and agitated.
Within the midst of this journey, He has promised to walk right next to me and hold my hand.
I really can’t ask for more than that can I?