Invisible but not silent

We all know that it’s in the darkest of hours that our real people turn up.  We all have friends but there are few who will just to hold you while you cry.  Thank you PipY for knowing when my soul has reached the bottom of its pit and needs a friend to help me find my way out again with the help of Jesus and lots of tissues.

Slowly fading each day is exhausting and it’s also really boring.  I try hard to stay as occupied as possible but the days are very long and the nights longer.  I try hard to stay as positive as I can but even I cannot Pollyanna my way through every situation and this week I hit a brick wall.  It felt so much easier to just lie on the ground and I didn’t even bother trying to get up again.  I just lay in the sadness for a couple of days and it gave me the opportunity to take out some feelings and sort through them.

I’ve concluded that even though I feel as though I am invisible at the moment, I am not yet silent.  I can still write and it continues to bring me joy.  It also helps me believe that other people might actually give a damn and even if that is self-delusion I’m Ok with that.

I am now back up off the ground again but I suspect that I may get to know that floor quite well before this journey of mine robs me of that last memory.

It’s the most magical time of the year but that is coupled with all this pressure to have the most perfect time. I suggest we all treat Christmas Day as though it’s Boxing Day instead.  On Boxing Day all the anticipation, pressure and lists of things to do are usually complete.  You can finally rest fully, eat leftovers and decide who you really want to spend your free time with. 

This is also the hardest time of the year for so many out there for a variety of reasons, please be kind to the person you’re sitting next to on the train, smile at that stranger in the street and just remember that we all look OK on the outside but so many of us are barely holding it together.