I don’t ever want this blog to be only about negative stuff because what'shappening in my life is not all negative.
One thing that is crystal clear to me is that we all have “stuff” happeningin our lives and if you're a normal human (whatever that means) then you havemultiple “stuff” happening. I had a chunk of years when I had one thing afteranother to the extent that it felt much easier to stay buried underneath thestuff and pray for death.
Do you want to hear some irony? After spending almost two years activelytrying to kill myself, I am now in a situation where I could do exactly thatand everyone would completely understand. However, I talked it over with Godand I believe there is something I need to learn from the journey ahead of meand I am trusting in that.
When I had that conversation with God, I believe that He told me thisjourney will be over for me in two years. I'm not sure if that means loss ofself but still alive or loss of life completely but it's going to be a two-yearjourney.
I am a planner so that has really helped me get a calendar together of sortswith things I would like to do. I'm not going to call it a “bucket list”because when Greg asked me if I had a list like that, I asked for time to thinkit over. I woke up the next day and realized that I already live inside mybucket list. I didn’t know that until I was asked the question. That’s whyasking questions is so important.
We all have stuff to deal with and its why being kind is so important. Ithink all the humans in the world need to come with a t-shirt that says,“handle with care”. There are other days we probably should not operate heavymachinery either ;-)