My heart is in two places

 

I don’t know how to explain this but I am currently living in two places – one is here and now and the other is where I am going. 

 

Until now I had a lot of L I F E that took up the space between now and wherever I was going.  There is now not so much life between the two and some bleeding through is occurring.

 

I know that I know that I am going to be OK and that no matter what is ahead of me I will never be alone.

 

I don’t deserve that and I certainly have not earned it which is precisely why and when God turns up.

 

I feel like I have my heart in two places – I love the life I have right now but I am also excited and intrigued about where I am going. In between is the journey and this week that journey sucked.  Its heartbreaking knowing that you are missing a stunning day outside but knowing you have zero chance of getting out there anytime soon. 

 

I hate not being able to cuddle up with Greg on the couch because I need to go to sleep at the same time ten-year-old children are hitting the hay. 


All I know for sure is that I am incredibly blessed.  I have surrounded myself with friends who have more than stepped up to the plate since this journey began.  Thank you for the texts, cards and guardian angels that you have shared with me. 

 

I don’t want to die but I am not afraid of it, I want those who love me to know that.  If you are allowed to swim in the breath of God then that’s what I will be doing on a daily basis until you join me. 

 

One of the shared memories of those who have had near death experiences is that of new colors.  Colors that they have never seen before but which are stunning.  None of them can describe the colors in any meaningful way because we have a color wheel that has not changed since day one of planet earth. 

 

Anyway, you know me and mental pictures – indescribable colors.  I have a friend who claims to own the color purple and if you have not contacted her to ask permission to use or wear that color then you have broken a rule! 

 

However, I will get up there before her and I plan to bogart the best new color there is and make her ask for permission to use it.  So there!